This Changes Everything

Sharing my birth mother experience (and all the blank pages of trying to finish my book) has taken a wonderfully exciting new turn. I have been reunited with my son. This summer has been an amazing gift of having multiple visits and conversations with the young man I have been dreaming about for over 20 years. All of the pain, tears, heartache and endless wondering has been replaced by true gratitude and humility for the blessing of being "found".

Our reunion started with a text! I was so completely flabbergasted by his message that my brain couldn't wrap itself around the idea that he was actually contacting me.  Thankfully, he gathered his courage only a few minutes later and made the phone call. I had left my contact information with the adoption agency many years ago, hoping and praying, that he would one day come looking for it. There we were, each of us nervous and not knowing exactly what to say next, doing our best to grab onto this moment and make it count. To my surprise, he would be travelling that weekend with his mom and siblings right through our town and he was very willing to meet in person. We sat and talked, laughed and cried as we shared our experiences surrounding this one amazing person we had in common. With his mom and siblings, and my husband and son we have together, we all had a great time getting to know each other. It was a full circle moment that is so hard to put in to words.

The book is still patiently waiting for me to figure it all out. Now, our combined experiences contain a story of faith, courage, hope and love that has to be shared. I pray I can pull it together!

Writer's Identity Crisis

I attended my first writer's conference last Spring to find that I was totally invigorated by the idea of becoming an "author", as well as completely overwhelmed. This was a foreign world with an obscure language and culture. Thankfully, I did find a little comfort when I met a few others that were feeling the same way, but the majority were completely in the thick of it and thriving.

You see, I have been toiling with the idea of writing a book (or series of books) to share my personal story of having a child and placing him for adoption. I realize I am not the only birth mom out there, but I do feel like it doesn't get talked about much - or at least it didn't. I am encouraged to learn of more women and families talking about adoption in a positive way and how the arrangements between birth parents and adoptive parents have evolved to more open situations. The circumstances of my adoption were much more limited related to my choices and it has plagued me for years. All of the reflecting and soul searching has led me to this place of wanting to write about it.

Now that my eyes have been opened to the world of writers, it amazes me. It's also kind of terrifying as I wonder if I have what it takes to even draw a reader in and keep their attention for more than five minutes. Now there are writing styles, character types, genres, plot development rules and on and on. Then, once I've gotten my story out on paper there is the whole business of pitching it to an editor and getting it published. How do you take your "baby" (yes, pun intended) and put it out there to be judged and evaluated for it's worthiness in the traditional world of paper and publishing? I know I can blog about my story - I actually already have and then deleted the posts - but as wonderful as blogging is, I still have this desire to publish. 

So, can a girl with a story become a Writer? An Author? I hope so. This is my journey. I will start with what I know. Hopefully someone will find value in it. I am putting myself out there and take full responsibility for the fact that I am dipping my toe in the water right now. I'm a little embarrassed that I really don't read a lot - not like other authors I know. I wasn't the kid who had notebooks full of stories that spent her free time in the library reading anything she could get her hands on. I haven't read too many of the Classics and I was horrible at doing book reports in school because I usually hadn't finished the reading. I'm not even in a Book Club. So am I a hypocrite if I secretly hope readers will want to read my book in a Book Club and I don't attend one myself? Can I hang out with other authors and fit in? Maybe that's not the point but it's certainly the awkward place I'm finding myself in. I'm hoping I'm not the only one. Maybe my next post should be "Insecure Writer Seeking Same".